Always Try to do Better

Everyone, at any given time, is a work in progress. Like art, science, literature, etc.... nothing, and no one, is ever completely finished- only caught in adaptation. Captured for a brief moment by some version of truth. A photograph, a theory, an idea, seizing a moment- amidst a spectrum of processing. I love and hate this simultaneously- as I suppose, we all do. It implies that reality is messy, undesigned, but also (ta da- here's where the magic is)....changeable!  We can grow. We can learn. We can do better. We are not hampered by what has come before- it's only our own stubborn consciousness that holds us back. It pigeonholes us to the idea of who we were, but has a more difficult time accepting what we are in the malleable moments that comprise the bulk of existence.

When asked what her spiritual beliefs are, my mother responds "always try to be good". And while these are pretty sturdy words, I prefer to replace "be good" with "do better". Good is too complicated of an idea to completely nail down in such a phrase. Good automatically conjures Bad and then it's all just shades of gray (she throws up her hands in swaying exasperation). It also has a lot of religious, semi-judgemental overtones in my opinion. However, the word better is simple and relatable. We all know what better is; we can feel it in our bones. It's a term that aligns harmoniously with the process of existing; a word devoid of the implied stagnation that "good" and "bad" carry (like philosophical dead-ends).  When one tries to do better, they are acknowledging the past, without letting it shade one's current or future behavior. It's the acceptance that mistakes were made, but that efforts are focused upon higher ground. It's Sisyphus, pushing that boulder, every moment of everyday. Beautifully bleak, and a perfectly fitting allegory for humanity's constant struggle towards better- whether it MATTERS or not.

On a personal level, this phrase has fortified me through some discouraging times. Through unpaid bills, failed relationships, broken friendships, abandoned projects, huge errors in judgement (involving a bottle of saki and some long island iced tea), and worst of all (for me)- the crushing remorse of harsh words said, and true words unsaid. So, I bid my past a cheerful goodnight, and fuck you. I'm ready for tomorrow; I'm ready to do better.